April Fools’ Day 2012 compilation

All the fake stories in one place.

April Fools’ Day has started a day early (or, right on time, if you’re in Japan). We’re doing our thing again, compiling all of the jokes into one mega-post. Get the full list below, which will be updated as new material is posted online. We will move this post up tomorrow as most of the western gags begin to arrive. 

Added April 1, 8:45pm

  • Valve: (I don’t think this is actually Valve, but whatever. The URL is SteamPPowered.com, rather than SteamPowered.com. But the site functions just as the regular SteamPowered.com does.) Damn it.

  • Wanderson75: Sackboy an exclusive character in the PlayStation Vita version of Mortal Kombat.

Added April 1, 5:30pm

  • Final Fantasy Versus XIII WordPress Site: Lady Gaga to sing the theme song – “The Tragedy of Our Hearts” – to Final Fantasy Versus XIII.

  • Gmail: Introducing Gmail Tap, a new Morse-code application for writing e-mails on your smartphone. Says LL Cool J: “You can tap it in the morning. You can tap it at night. You can tap it in the bathroom.”
  • Operation Rainfall: Fourth game added to localization efforts: Love Plus. They have “literally received tens of requests” to add it.
  • Rely on Horror: Team Silent regroups for Silent Hill 9. That includes Hiroyuki Owaku, Masahiro Ito, Takayoshi Sato, Masashi Tsuboyama, Akira Yamaoka (now with Grasshopper Manufacture), and even Keiichiro Toyama (now with SCE Japan Studio).
  • Rock Band: Rock Band board game coming for $179.99. Do not play while intoxicated.

  • World of Tanks: German Ratte super tank added to World of Tanks.
  • World of Warplanes: Dragons being added to the upcoming World of Warplanes, complete with fire-breath.

Added April 1, 1:45pm

  • Atlus: ‘Block of Ages’ update for Rock of Ages on PC.
  • Grandia: Grandia: The Animation movie in the works.
  • Koolboyman: Leaked Pokemon Black and White remake discovered.
  • Nintendomination: Final Fantasy Versus XIII coming to 3DS.

Added April 1, 12:00pm

  • Blizzard: Battle.net neutral interface. A mask / headset for use with your World of Warcraft and Battle.net accounts. “The first time you use the Battle.net Neural Interface, it reads and adapts to your unique brainwave signature, forming a permanent and unbreakable bond, ensuring that all your senses are properly mapped to your character’s view of the game world.”
  • Blizzard: Supply Depot 2 coming to iOS. It’s “mankind’s last resort.”
  • Blizzard: Zerogatchi, “the newest authentication system” to log in to your Battle.net or World of Warcraft account. It “takes the next stop in both Virtual Pet and Authenticator technlogy to provide you with the login experience of your life!”
  • Destructoid: Launching OkDtoid, a free online dating service for gamers. Reviews include “Never have I seen such a sausagefest” and “Invite friends should it get a bit rapey.”
  • Saints Row: The Third: Enter the Dominatrix download content coming to Saints Row: The Third.

  • Ska Studios: Ska Studios acquired by ‘Splosion Man developer Twisted Pixel.

Added April 1, 10:30am

  • 1UP: Nintendo Dubstep Experience 3D to reinvent the rhythm genre.
  • The 15th Crystal: Final Fantasy Type-0 coming to iOS in North America and Europe. Use the accelerometer to control the camera.
  • BlizzardBlizzard creating new line of videogames for younger audience under the brand Blizzard Kidzz. Will ” strive to present children with not just the most epic, but also the most educational gaming experiences… ever.” Upcoming games include Reader Ravager, The Westfall Trail, and Where in Sanctuary is Deckard Cain.

  • DarkZero: New GAME parent company Opcapita have launched a new Kickstarter to keep 277 GAME stores open in Europe. Pledge $60 or more, and you’ll get a pre-owned copy of Mass Effect 3, which you can trade in by April 11 for 20 euros of in-store credit at GAME.
  • Diablo Fans: Diablo III coming to Wii. Special edition Wii also in the works.
  • FFRing: ‘Future is War’ download content coming to Final Fantasy XIII-2. A crossover with Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance.

  • Hawk and Gamble: Assassin’s Creed announced for Kinect.
  • JPGames.de: Shenmue HD Collection set for PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360 in 2012, reveals Japanese magazine scan.

  • MCV: The Witcher: A Temerian Story, a musical, coming to London’s west end. Described as “the West End’s most constroversial musical ever.”
  • Paradox Interactive: MetaMetaCritic launched. Scores game journalists.
  • Prototype: Introducing P.A.M., the original new protagonist for Protoype 2. He’s a paper airplane.

  • Sega: Grow and pick grapes in Virtua Vineyard.
  • Sega: Bass Fishing of the Dead coming to Wii. Survive the onslaught of infect fish using axes, guns, flamethrowers, and a fishing rod.
  • Skull Girls: Skullgals coming to Neo Geo Pocket Color in 2013, featuring “gorgeous full-color graphics and precise, clicky controls.” It “captures all the charm of the console original in only 1/38th the pixels.”
  • Square Enix: Square Enix unveils chocolate dimension in Quantum Conundrum. Devour and melt your way through obstacles! “People are probably wondering, ‘Chocolate dimension? What’s that all about?’,” said Kim Swift, creative director at Airtight Games. “Chocolate is fun! Chocolate has all sorts of amazing properties! Who doesn’t love chocolate? And besides that, it looks a lot more appetizing than hummus dimension.”

  • START: Mass Effect getting its own 80s-inspired cartoon show. Airs every Saturday morning starting this fall.
  • Team Meat: Super Meat Boy: The Game coming to iOS. A whole new platformer built from the ground up.

  • Valve: Richochet 2 in development. It “challenges your agility as well as your aim, featuring one-on-one and team matches played in a variety of futuristic battle arenas.”

Added April 1, 1:45am

Added April 1, 12:30am

  • Swery65: Deadly Premonition creator Swery65’s blog has been hacked by someone “much more awesome than that loser!” This hacker is developing a “completely new Action Adventure, the likes of which you ain’t never scene.” It’s open world, will take “66666 years” to find everything in the game, and “be available as a launch title for the next generation of consoles.” It’s “Super Multiplatform” and will also be available for “PC, tablets and smartphones.” It even supports a camera. Here’s a super secret photo:

Added April 1, 12:00am

  • ALcot Vintage: CloverHeart’s2 ~from Y to Y~ in development for “Microsoft Windows 8/9,”Mac OS,” “Playstati○n4,” and “X-B○X 428.” A sex scene will be released as download content.
  • El Shaddai: El Shaddai: Social Battle coming to GREE platform. (This may actually be real, but even so, we’re not going to cover it, so here it is, regardless.)
  • Giga: Four new titles announced. From top to bottom: New Maya Plus, Atelier Ai, Material Brave X Hotchikiss, and Demon’s Maxwell: Mashiro Kamine.

  • Google Chrome: Use two mouses at once in Google Chrome’s multitask mode.

Added March 31, 10:30pm

  • Toki to Towa: Namco Bandai producer Kay Hirono has said that the current 2D hand-drawn illustrations / 3D world combination in Toki to Towa is difficult to become familiar with. So they are changing the game’s current high-definition character style to SD chibi characters (big head, small body), abandoning the over 30,000 hand-drawn animations they’ve already created, but are still using the game’s original 3D backgrounds. They are thinking about changing the game’s genre from “HD Animation RPG” to “SD Character Animation RPG.” Here’s a new screenshot and the game’s new box art (which says “April 1 is April Fools” in transparent text above the two characters):

Added March 31, 9:30pm

  • Capcom: Celebrating Mega Man‘s 25th anniversary, Luna Platz (Mega Man Star Force), Roll (Mega Man), and Mayl Sakurai (Mega Man Battle Network) have come together to form a pop idol group trio. Their debut CD, Transmission to Your Heart, is due December 17, 20XX. They’ll be playing a live concert on the roof of Capcom headquarters when the album launches.

Added March 31, 9:00pm

  • dothackers: .hack Japanese drama series .hack//Love the World announced in June 2012 “Famitsu.” They call it Famitsu, but it actually says “Famicom News.” The magazine cover they use is from 1994.
  • X Rebirth: Negoatiate prices in X Rebirth for PC by ‘moving your hits for profits’ using Kinect for Windows.

Added March 31, 8:30pm

  • Arcade Heroes: Firefly: The Arcade Game announced.
  • Final Fantasy XI: Gymnast job, complete with “tumbling,” “acrobatics,” and “rhythmic” abilities, coming to Final Fantasy XI: Online.

  • GameStar: Japanese online retailer posts closure notice on official website.
  • Google Japan: One-button, Japanese, Morse code-esque keyboard in development.
  • Gundam.info: Full-scale Gundam model to return to Odaiba.
  • HanGame: 100,000 yen (approx. $1,206 USD) portable game system in the works. Due April 1, 2013.
  • Taito: Official site taken over by space invaders.
  • Xbox-News: Xbox 360 celebrating ten years with animated project, Idol Legend Xbox, available today on Blu-ray and DVD.

Added March 31, 7:30pm

  • YouTube: The YouTube Collection. That is, the entirety of YouTube, offline and on DVD, delivered to your home via 175 trucks. Considering an hours’ worth of content is added to YouTube every second, you’ll get new shipments every week.

Added March 31, 2:30pm

  • FinalFantasy-XIII.net: Final Fantasy Versus XIII to be released in three installments, confirms Nomura. The last two-thirds of which will be released as download content.
  • Mojang: From the developer of MineCraft comes Mars Effect, a “hard science fiction” game with “lots of engineering,” a “fully working computer system,” “space battles,” and “a game ending that makes sense.”

Added March 31, 1:40pm

  • Marvelous AQL: Senran Kagura: Boys Edition in development. (I’m not so sure if this one’s fake, but it’s Sunday in Japan, so it’s rare to see an announcement.)

  • Nintendo Gamer: Iwata Asks: Sony Computer Entertainment Chairman Kazuo Hirai. It doesn’t go well.

  • Resistance 3: Play Resistance 3 on April Fools’ Day. You’ll notice some differences.
  • Rise of Immortals: “Timely new immortal” Karapyss the Crabomancer coming April 1.
  • Turtle Beach: XPPX9001 surround sound gaming headset. It’s for gamers “seriously serious about being serious about gaming seriously” who want to get “seriouser.”

Added March 31, 12:55pm

  • Dee Okinawa: New Habu Plus in development. Featuring habu, the Japanese word for venomous snakes. In Japan, New Love Plus for 3DS is pronounced “New Rabu Purasu.”
  • Google: Google Maps coming to NES.

  • GungHo: Official Ragnarok Online website now only selling merchandise.
  • Hatsune Bot: Pokemon Hatsune Blue trailer (not sure if this is a joke or a fan creation, but thought I’d throw it in, regardless).
  • SCEJ: Sony developing Everybody’s Kabaddi, Everybody’s Gateball, Everybody’s Sumo for PlayStation Vita. (Lady Gaga-inspired?) Meat and onion dress download content coming to Gravity Rush. Reality Fighters movie in production.

  • Tokkurin: Tales of Xillia anime announced.

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